im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
