I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
