Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

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(310): View more from California

u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.

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(425): View more from Washington

Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.

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