Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
