The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
