I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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