i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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