North Korea, Best Korea!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
