I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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