you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
