It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Porn is love you can see.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
