big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
