her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
