its not stalking. its research.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
