thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
