"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
