I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize