WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
