I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
