hotel room ftw
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
