I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
