Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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