I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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