don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
