goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
