Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
