I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
