Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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