either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
