I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
