I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
