if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
