I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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