That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize