dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize