Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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