I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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