Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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