Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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