WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
