We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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