There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
