I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
