my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
