wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
