sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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