what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
