Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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