I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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