so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize