My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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