Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
