Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
