U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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