At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
