I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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