i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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