she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
