I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
