I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize