Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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