o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
