we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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