Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
