Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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