You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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