Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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