so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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