Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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