i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
