All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize