I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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