Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
