did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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