go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
