i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
