I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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