GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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